As amazing as life can be, there are moments when you just feel like giving up completely. Letting every little thing that hunts you down to win and letting yourself drown with what could’ve been and what can never be.
Today is my birthday. I was trying to stop myself from posting something that I might regret later. For goodness sake, this day haven’t even started yet! But I couldn’t wait anymore.. You see, I have been carrying this heavy feeling in my heart for the past weeks. I have so many concerns, worries, and different kinds of frustrations in my life. Don’t get me wrong; I am truly grateful for everything that God has blessed me with. Without Him, I wouldn’t be here. Nothing would be here. It’s just that I am not happy. For whatever reason, I can’t feel anything but sadness in my heart.
When will I ever escape this place? It pains me that my second blog post will be about how much I hate my life as of this moment. I always loved being in control about everything but my life isn’t exactly as controllable as I thought it would be. Seems like more often than not I am the one who is being controlled. It’s frustrating and so depressing on my part. For that, I wanted to leave everything behind and be a whole new person. I wanted to explore more, make decisions by myself, make mistakes and learning how to confront them or I will cry because of a stupid decision that I made, but at least it was my own decision, at least I have every right to be mad to myself and I’ve got no one to blame. At least it is my life and I have every right to destroy or make myself successful.
It is my life and yet I am bound to follow someone’s point of view on how to run it. It is my life and yet I need to comply with everyone’s perception on how should I live it. It is my life and yet it isn’t.